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[06 Feb 2006|07:54am] |
I'm not sure where to begin
My heart strings pull constantly within
Do you even know what I see
When I catch you looking at me
I'm hoping you'll take your time
Know that i've got your attention in mind
I'm not so good at writing
There's so many feelings i'm fighting
I'll try and explain exactly what I feel
The feelings I've tried so hard to conceal
This is not what you're thinking
And no, I haven't been drinking
This time I'm sober, attentive and clear
I promise not to faulter the next time you're near
I've let myself struggle for far too long
I know now there's no way this can go on
You were a part of me
You are a part of me
Nothing can change the past
I'm not so sure what led to this crash
That caused too many tears
And brought to life intense fears
All we can do now is keep moving
There are things I would take back
Things that pulled me off track
There are moments I'll never forget
Moments I'll think about when I'm upset
Those precious moments of our time
When I was the only thing on your mind
I know you better than you've been led to believe
And I've never liked that you can see right through me
You know my eyes will always smile
And I knew it was you all the while
So please understand this is no easy task
I see now it is not too much to ask
You have your world and I have mine
Let me know how things are from time to time
For if you were not my friend
And if my secrets I could not lend
My eyes would never smile the same
I don't care if it seems cliche and lame
It's how I feel and how I care
To show you that I'll always be there
My heart is something you will always hold
I must face the future and be bold
I may never call you mine again
But I hope I can always call you my friend
Life just isn't as bright with out you
So consider this a pact you cannot lose
A pact to our future, past and present
A friendship who's meaning is always prevalant
A special bond like no other
Not shared by father, brother or mother
My hands will always be there to hold
My arms are yours whenever you're cold
So here's to you and me
Starting all over happily
To new beginnings
And unfinished endings
A friendship full of first times
A friendship that found the beauty in rhyme
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| holy i haven't writting in this thing forever |
[01 Aug 2005|11:06pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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anna nalick |
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wow..so i've gone all summer with out writing in my el jay..hell no one probably even reads it anymore..but i have way too much shit on my mind..so hopefully this helps..
i spent a good portion of the evening just driving and thinking by myself..i refused to let myself cry..and anytime i had any kind of urge to do so..i just started singing at the top of my lungs..my windows were down..i probably looked like a royal asshole but i really didn't care...i miss cat..and katie..and michael..they understand everything i'm feeling right now and why i'm feeling it..and they help me take my mind off things so well..i'm truely happy when i'm with them
i hate talking about him..writing about him..thinking about him..more than anything i just wish i could be the guys friend..and i am..we are definetely friends..very good friends..and i wish i could just accept that and let that be enough..i can't even remember the last time i wanted something so bad..i don't think i ever have honestly wanted something so much..i don't think i've ever had this much patient..i'm impatient..and i'm impulsive..and i so want to do this right..because he's worth it.
i could say a million more things right now..but they all revolve around the exact same thing..
"i wonder if maybe you truely are as beautiful as i believe
in my head
your voice
you've got all that i need
and this make believe
will get me through another lonely night"
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| i haven't written in this in soo long.. |
[16 Jun 2005|11:14am] |
so i think the main reason why i'm writing in this today is because i know most people don't read it anymore and i serrriously need to vent because i have been going crazy these past few days..
i have been having the most off the wall dreams..and i don't understand them..they're scaring me a little bit
i have like 10 millions emotions running through me at this moment..and my heart really hurts.
my three closest friends have left for england for 8 days..i will miss them so dearly..
maybe i'll get closer to someone else i've been looking to get close to in the next 8 days?
i guess anything's possible..<3
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| note to self.. |
[30 Apr 2005|10:33pm] |
don'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatworkdon'tfallforaguyatwork
DO NOT FALL FOR A GUY AT WORK.
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| there we stand about to fly.. |
[30 Apr 2005|12:11am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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guster |
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oo guster..it's been too long
tonight was cool..saw anything goes at the request of a few people in the show..i thought i was going to be bored to tears..but it was actually quite good..heather was impressive..i can't wait until next year..drama as a senior's going to be so fun..kt a was hot.
afterwards the crew and i went to uno's..nothing too out of the ordinary but it was a good night..mom wanted me in by 12..and like the wonderful daughter i am..i obided..good talk with joshua tho before he dropped me off
i have to go to that stupid class tomorrow at the court house..damn underage drinking charge..i'll be so happy when this bullshit is over..and then i work tom night..it's going to be a shitty day.
going to bed soon
night
<3
gabby
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| i contimplate the day away.. |
[27 Apr 2005|08:22pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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jewel..grey matter |
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hmm..just got home from work..the day was kind of a waste..i didn't go to school just because i had such a shitty night last night and i think my mom knew i just needed a day off..i slept until almost 2..worked until now..and i'll probably be avoiding homework for a few hours and going to sleep..exciting stuff huh?
the weekend will be fun..i'm having josh and shawn time..and talking to joe right now about doing something..which means getting high off my ass..something i definetely need this weekend..and my work schedule isn't incredibly crazy which is nice
meh..all done
<3
gabby
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[26 Apr 2005|08:11pm] |
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just VENTING.
i never realized how mother fucking naive i was.
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| somebody told me you had a boyfriend.. |
[25 Apr 2005|10:18pm] |
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hmm..just got home from work not too long ago..worked with good people..beth and i were the only chicks..and it was a slow night so lots of talking..got a lot of interesting advice from the boys at work..very helpful
talking to jordan right now..i miss him..i never see him anymore..i can tell that kid anything..and he never gets weirded out..i love it haha
this week is going by so slow..i can't stand it..it's only tuesday..atleast i don't work tomorrow so i can catch up on sleep if i don't end up doing anything with anyone..even tho i probably will..hopefully will
i have gallagher shit to do..then to bed i go
"i got soul..but i'm not a soldier"
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| say what you're thinking out loud.. |
[24 Apr 2005|02:56pm] |
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music |
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the starting line |
] |
hellooo..
well for starters the weekend did not go at all how i expected it to..frustrating..very frustrating..and right now i have no idea what the hell is going on..it's not fair really..not fair at all..good people deserve good things..
anyways..the weekend was good..friday at work was absolutely insane..i've never seen the place so out of control and it was like shawn read my fucking mind in knowing i was having the worst night ever..and he showed up at work and saved me..made my night i love that kid more than anyone else..anyways then we met up with mike cat and katie and headed to the usual applebees..good conversation..everyone tried to help me out with what's going on in the world of crazy confusing boys
aww..the song come a little closer by brandy's really good..
anywho..after we dropped those three back home i went back to shawns..i missed him so much it was so nice to have things like old times..haha i almost miss the days when i didn't have a life and all i'd ever do is hang out with him in his basement..
sooo..last night..wow.
worked with a wonderful crew..mina..jess..dan..alex..and josh..yessss..it was so much fun..i can get away with anything when josh manages..but yea then mina came over and i had joe and andy came and picked us up..you know how that goes..and then we ended up going to some wilson party..there was an UNBELIEVABLY attractive boy there that mina and i could not get enough of..came home around 4 and worked this morning..that was fun..
<3
gabby
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[22 Apr 2005|12:35am] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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music |
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the killers |
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steve just left..
it's official..i'm falling..hard.
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| and i don't understand all the things you've seen |
[17 Apr 2005|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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something corporate..konstantine |
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i have no idea why..but i've had this huge urge for something corporate all the time..i forgot how unbelievably amazing konstantine was..i miss live music..i must fix that
this weekend was awesome..best one i've had in awhile actually..
friday...finally had some quality josh time..i missed him so much!
saturday..worked all effing day...but i made 160$ in tips and went out with cat and nick afterwards which was good..i need more cds..hung out with joe and billy later that night..and some andy kid i'd never met before
today..worked for a few hours this afternoon ((no double shift= bliss)) and going to uno's tonight with the crew..i'm sure i'll have 2498593065 pics to post..and everyone's meeting my prom date..exciting stuff
the only downside is that i didn't see shawn all weekend..i miss my best fucking friend <3
school tomorrow..shoot me.
i'll probably have pics up by tomorrow
<3
gabby
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[17 Apr 2005|01:00am] |
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mood |
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high |
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music |
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phish |
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so high..like ben franklin's kite.
something corporate lovin..and then some
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| maybe..you're guna be the one who saves me.. |
[16 Apr 2005|03:29am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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phish..heavy things |
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ooo..oasis..i need to get tix on ebay..i will go to the penn's landing show..trust me..i'm determined..
tonight was simply wonderful
i had to work from 5:30-9 but it was everyone i absolutely adore..so no worries..and i work with adam all week..scooooore..we got a new guy..his name's dan..totally adorable..
anywho..mike and katie came in and ate while i finished up and josh came just as i was done..we went to see ammityville horror..HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT. honestly the scariest movie i've ever seen..seriously..i left the theater shaking i was so freaked out..and i promised cat i'd see it with her..which i regret because i was so fucking terrified..i was latched onto kt the entire time
then we headed over to uno's for food..good times..lots of picture taking..and mint stealing..haha what? huh? oooo yes
i have no idea why i'm still up..i need to be at work at 9:30 tomorrow and i've got a double shift.. fucking shoot me.
tomorrow night will be fun tho..seeing my darling catherine..it's horrible..i didn't hang out or speak to her much in one night..and i'm practically going through withdrawal..hopefully i'll see the mifflin boys tomorrow night too..we shall see
alright..bed time
<3
gabby
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[30 Mar 2005|08:06pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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soo..i got some really shitty news about 10 mins ago..
i hate this..so much.
i've completely ruined everything..i can't believe i ever thought things could be different
i guess some people just aren't meant to be happy in life.
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[25 Mar 2005|03:08pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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pj harvey |
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i miss katie a..i definetely think cat and i both overreacted..when she comes back from vaca i want to make things better..
i've basically been living at brandons all week..there hasn't been one night this week i haven't been there..except for tuesday..kind of sad actually
i thought last night would suck..but it was actually fairly eventful..i'm getting better at pool..joe and billy came over to brandons with me cat and nick..joe and billy were so incredibly stoned..as usual..they're so fun..love those boys..
tonight will be cool..looking forward to it
why do i have a strange feeling that something possessed michael to leave an anonymous comment on my last post?..maturity at it's finest!
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[23 Mar 2005|12:29pm] |
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mood |
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moody |
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music |
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old school oasis |
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meep.
well there are honestly about 8347689547 things that i could say right now..but i guess i'll just start with the norm and see where that takes me..
last night was cool..beginning kind of sucked but i ended up having a pretty decent night..went over to michaels with cat..i ended up making her grill of the cheese..and we built a cake that wasn't too shabby if you ask me..then proceeded to watch kill bill 2 which i wanted to see after enjoying the first one very much so..but was interrupted by jordan (yordan) and nicholas picking me up at michaels..we then went to cats where jordan and nick had to introduce themselves to cats mom because katie's mom is a fucking nazi (loooong story..and that's okay for me to say because i'm jewish)
anywho..
stopped by best buy for a very short while to see joe (yoeseph)..and let him know what's up with katie..won't be seeing much of her for a very long time if ever again..kind of depressing if you ask me..then we went over to brandons..where we came to a wonderful note on his front door (i'll be posting pics soon in which you can read what the note said)..discussion around his kitchen counter as usual..matt was there too..haha random..as was karen..which was incredibly awkward..first time i talked to her where i wasn't completely intoxicated..or making out with her..huh?..what?..
so the boys had school today so they had to be home at a decent hour...haha nothing better than being so incredibly emo by singing screaming infidelities with nick on the way home..i'm shamed that i know every word to that song..
poker night tonight with the boysss..should be fun..hopefully i'll take all their money..
hmmm..now what?
</3
gabby
p.s.
everytime i spend time with you..i get all fucking depressed..i wish you'd stop being so damn nice to me..it'd make my job a hell of a lot easier.
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| too many cops..too many guns |
[20 Mar 2005|12:11pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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pj harvey |
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listening to pj harvery..some chick jordan told me about and i'm actually enjoying it very much..i love female voices..and she's different..i like it
last night was..interesting to say the least..i just wish i hadn't had an emotional breakdown or whatever you want to call it..it was bound to happen
i've said it before..and i'll say it again..i have the greatest friends in the entire world.
</3
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| lying close to you..feelin your heart beating |
[19 Mar 2005|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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hmm..i'm contimplating deleting this journal..it's so effing old..i've had it for over two years..crazy
so to talk more about last night..i officially love my friends more than life <3
saw the ring 2 last night..nearly pissed myself i was so scared..but i had kt a to hold onto haha..<3
then we headed to best buy to visit joseph..todd was there too..that kid is everywhere..and i don't like it..awkwardnessss..but then i got a phonecall from jordan while i was in best buy
jordan: hey..whats up
me: not too much..what are you doing
jordan: i'm at best buy with andrew
me: no wayyy..i'm at best buy too
jordan: i don't believe you
me: no for real..i'm standing under the "movies" sign
jordan: oo i believe you now
haha..so cat katie nick and i met up with andrew and jordan and we all went to unos..interesting conversation..then we went to brandons..wooow..it was so weird seeing karen there..i'm so happy she won't be at his house tonight..it'd ruin everything
but tonight will be a fucking blast..i've decided i'm going to spend it sober..of course i suppose that could change..but i'm not so much in the mood to get shanked tonight (haha i <3 kt a for that one)
work from 4-8..stop by and visit
heart,
gabby
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| here's a toast..to all those who hear me all to well |
[19 Mar 2005|12:53am] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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eve 6.. |
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here's to the nights we felt alive..
first night of spring bring was wonderful
partay tomorrow..and everyday after thursday..even the beach possibly..this is going to be an unforgettable break..i can feel it
it's been forever since i've cryed over a boy..i can't believe i've completely fallen for one of my best friends..atleast i got it all out on the table..time will tell
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| i need to be redeemed to the one i've sinned against |
[14 Mar 2005|10:03pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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criminal..fiona apple |
] |
i fucking love fiona apple..
soo its monday..i wanted to die this morning when i woke up..but whatever made it through the day somehow..the weekend was pretty cool..nothing too out of the ordinary..but i spent it with good people
friday..went to see how to succeed at muhlenburg with mike and katie..what a fucking dissapointment..i love that show..but it was absolutely awful..we left at intermission..went to applebees..and laughed for ever as always..i got a phone call from someone..but i'm happy i didn't do anything i would've regretted the next morning..
saturday..nick dragged me, cat, brandon, and jordan to a royals game..my first..and last..i was bored practically to tears..sooo then to get back at him cat and i had the guys over to watch the notebook..matt joined..hot sexual intercourse seen i must add..but we got bored and turned it off..jordan and brandon went home..so nick cat and i went driving..ended up picking shawn and britt up because they desperately needed a ride home..went to the diner..then drove to the pagoda?..cats idea..don't ask..got in around 2 and slept at cats
sunday..i had to work..went to nicks soccer game with cat jordan and ANDREW!...he's home for spring break..and then we all went out to applebees (big surprise) after the game..we saw joey and todd at the game..joey cut off all his beautiful hair..and now looks like a 5 year old kid..but you know haha..but yea the weekend was dec
spring break is going to be fucking amazing..i <3 my girls!
<3
gabby
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| i had the most random evening.. |
[06 Mar 2005|10:45pm] |
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marla..shawn..jenn..josh at the pillar
shawn..and courtney drunk off ass
smoking's bad kids
great night kids..
school tomorrow..shoot me now
<3
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| i can breathe for the first time |
[05 Mar 2005|01:17am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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"hear me" kelly clarkson |
] |
hmm..can't sleep..wish i could
things have been strange lately..his sister imed me tonight with a "hey gab"..and for the first time ever..i couldn't even talk to her..it's like i'm finally cutting all ties that lead to him off..i couldn't beleieve it..but it was the first time i actually chose not to respond..i just hope i'm strong enough when he actually ims me..because i know he will..only a matter of time..but he's weak..and i'm so much stronger than him..and over a year later i'm starting to overcome this..interesting
forgive me for saying this because it's completely out of my character..but i love kelly clarkson..absolutely fucking love her
soo..i gave myself bangs tonight..haha i'll post pics..needed a change
other than that..tonight was quite uneventful..do to me fucking up my back my mom wouldn't let me go anywhere..but tomorrow will be fun..lots of plans..and i'm working a shift tomorrow night so i'll finally have some money
meh..i don't like feeling the way i feel right now
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| how i spent my snow day.. |
[04 Mar 2005|06:55pm] |
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livejournal's been in read only mode for days..first chance i'm getting to post
joey and katie
back of joeys head
ok i know this is random..but cat had this awesome mirror in her house and i was incredibly amused by it..katie's in the back
me..in the back of joey's car..with cat on my lap..guess what i am? haha
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| i promise this won't be another song..about being alone |
[28 Feb 2005|11:50pm] |
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music |
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the lynsey diaries |
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sooo the past few weeks have been really chill..i still haven't posted cali pics..finally uploaded them on my computer i just had to load them onto photobucket..they'll be up in a day or two..wish i had taken some pictures from saturday..they would've been hysterical..can't wait for this weekend..soo many options!
it's snowing like a motherfucker outside..no way i'm going to school..even if we just have a delay i'm blowing the day of with the crew anyways..but we have to have off because i've already made plans
i met some really chill people this weekend..the usual crowd plus i few new people i hadn't met..finally met chelsea..very cool..so happy that we got along..plus i met todd..well..second time really..but the first time i only met him for like 5 mins..plus josh some billy kid that wasn't interesting at all and jooooeeeeyyy..haha who exactly like jonathan taylor thomas..no lie..it's crazy...and he has a wonderful car haa.
jordan's free this weekend so i can finally hang out with him again..plus the girls for sure..i'll have pics up soon
<3
gabstar
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| ooo man.. |
[27 Feb 2005|04:31pm] |
so i haven't updated in forever..
but last night was officially one of the greatest nights ever haha
*greenhouse effect*
<3
gabby
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| scream my name just one more time |
[13 Feb 2005|01:57pm] |
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music |
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old school something corporate |
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ooo..something corporate..i miss them..i used to be so obsessed..haha you remember
the weekend was decent..last night pretty much blew though..i ended up getting into a massive argument with my stepdad..which put me in a bad mood for the entire night..my mom really could do so much better..but shawn picked me up after i went to dinner with the family..went to the pillar..saw a lot of random people..erin wyke and brad ludwig were there..and i haven't seen them since the last party at my house..they were stoned as ever..big surprise right?..shawn and i did a lot of talking..i finally feel like the relationship we once had is starting to be there again..i missed him so much..i hope shit gets figured out for him..and i hope HE knows i'm there for him one hundred and ten percent
went shopping with my mom this morning..picked up soo much stuff..
*adorable red and white top from new york and company
*black jacket from new york and company
*pink lace camisole from new york and company
*black sandals from new york and company
*white sandals from new york and company
*green button down shirt from new york and company
*matching green and white skirt from new york and company
*sweatshirt from american eagle
*long sleeve off the shoulder shirt from american eagle
*gap jeans
*pink hat from the gap
*green hat from the gap
*brown blouse from the gap (absolutely adorable)
..i made out like a fucking bandit..can't wait to wear it all in CALIFORNIA
4 daysss.
heart.
gabby
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[12 Feb 2005|05:48pm] |
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how fucking cute are we?
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rainbowbrite64's journal
